i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize