so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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