Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
