I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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