That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
