I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
