sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
