i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wear drunk well.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
