I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
