And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
