cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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