if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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