It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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