oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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