Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
