i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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