Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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