You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
