i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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