Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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