i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
