its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize