I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
