Your face is a jimmy john
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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