i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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