Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
