im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
