It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
