I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
