I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
