Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
