If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
