That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
