Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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