We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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