Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
