I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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