im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I would fuck him just for his dog
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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