How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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