I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My pussy is not your playground.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
