I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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