Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
