he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
