I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize