roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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