there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
