Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
