I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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