My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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