New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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