I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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