how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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