You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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