I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
