I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
