I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
