She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
