that's an acceptable place to lick
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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