It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
