how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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