dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
