You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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