Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
