I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
