i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
