Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
