Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
