i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
