omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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