my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
