i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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