he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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