my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
