Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
