Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
