Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
